Afterall
by sandra-wfg
Summary: "And as she cuddles against him afterwards, she can only think that maybe, somewhere, there's a place for them, afterall."  - missing scenes from season 3 leading up to "the first time", based on spoilers and speculations, Finchel all the way!


**Thanks to Soraia and Céline for puting up with me!**

**all mistakes are my own**

**Disclaimer: Glee sadly doesn't belong to me, neither does Anne of Green Gables (but does anyone know who that is? I hope so!)**

**Starts during "Asian F", written before "The First Time", based on spoilers and speculations mostly, so you'd better avoid it if you don't want to know! (but come back after tomorrow night!)  
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…

She's not convinced it was a mistake, getting into the race for president. She understands why Kurt would be mad at her but at the same time _she_'s been bullied too, _she_ has two gay dads, and Brittany's song really stirred something in her, making her believe _she_ could change things. She's not that self-centered or full of herself that she thinks she can actually rule the world but she does believe she could make a difference.

Until Finn turns his back at her.

She doesn't even have time to explain anything to him. One second he's there, happy for her winning Maria, the next he's rushing away, very much so like he did last year in the Christmas tree lot.

She doesn't want to believe they're broken up again but her already shaken confidence takes another blow as she leans against the row of lockers.

The worst part is that if she loses the only real support she's ever gotten, she's not convinced she can do anything.

Just like then she is only able to watch him go; and just like then she feels a pull in her stomach to run after him.

Just like then she doesn't.

...

He glances over at her as they sing "Fix You" with Mr. Schue and as if she felt his eyes on her she turns towards him, her look almost beseeching him. He's not sure why.

They haven't had time to talk since he walked out on her earlier after they talked about the election. He didn't like leaving that hanging, but it was either walking away or snapping in frustration, and he wanted to avoid that at all cost. He doesn't want to fight with her ever again and he knows that this time around they're gonna get past every dent in the road, however painful it might be at the time.

Once the song is over Mike says something about the musical to him, and he swears he just focuses his attention on him for one second but when he looks back at her she's gone.

He figures he's going to find her at her locker, or back at his. He's her ride today so his stomach sinks when he realizes she's not there, nor waiting for him by his truck.

He checks his cell-phone for any missed call, sends her a text, and eventually resigns to get to work. He'll pick her up from dance class later, like he offered to, and they'll sort things out over a vegan ice cream.

...

Only work's not that fun when she's not there handing him tools or allowing him to kiss her whenever he feels like it.

He realizes he's not sure anymore if this is an option for him in the long run.

Working for Burt is great, really... as a part time job.

If he really thinks about it it's neither fun nor fulfilling, fixing tires all day long. His three hours a day seem to stretch longer and he can't imagine how it'd feel working there all day, every day.

He has no idea what else he could do though. He's not good at anything, he feels. He lets his mind wander to greener pastures, with endorsements for football, spotlights and screaming fans.

He _knows_ he's not good enough to get into NYADA, whatever Rachel tells him. He doesn't know if he'd enjoy the stage as much as she would either.

Working for Burt seemed like an easy option at the time.

If only it wasn't so dull.

He sighs, looking at the clock for the fifth time in three minutes and picks up the umpteenth nut he's dropped since he got here when his stepdad puts him out of his misery and sends him home.

He parks in front of her dance studio and waits, turning things over and over in his head for the longest time until he realizes her class just left and he didn't see her.

He gets out and runs to the dance instructor who tells him Rachel didn't come today. Didn't even call to excuse herself.

He checks his phone again.

Even if he couldn't have missed a call with the device on vibrate in his pocket.

…

She ignores the bell at the front door. Her dad will probably get it and she's not in the mood to socialize with some Avon representative anyway.

It's the first time in forever that she missed a dance class and for the first time in forever she doesn't even care. She wonders once again where she went wrong and if Kurt was right when he mentioned the friends she was tossing aside. It's not how she feels at all. She thought she might even be helping him, with the trade for vice president she offered and all.

Deep down she knows she's fooling herself, first because never in this world people would vote for the outcast she is. Second of all because she knew when she did it that she would hurt her friend but chose to ignore the nagging voice of her conscience as she trampled the floor of the boys' locker room.

She wants to believe it's just a hitch in their path though, because he's her first real friend (who she doesn't have romantic feeling for, that is) and because she did _not_ toss him aside.

She knows she's being stubborn but in her head she was the one suggesting the president thing for the first time and that gives her a right to run for it. And she's even mad at Kurt for taking things so _she_ still wants to be his friend.

Her doors open slowly with a quiet knock and she's ready to send her dad away as she rolls away on her bed, clutching her stuffed chimp and facing the wall. She just wants to sleep things off and wake up only when everything has cooled down and all is well again.

She freezes though when she hears his soft "hey". She wipes the tears from her eyes before turning to him, hugging her monkey closer and backing silently towards the headboard.

She doesn't want to see him. Doesn't want to see anyone, really.

She's not prepared to see him. Not prepared for another breakup. Not yet. Not so soon.

They were supposed to have until graduation!

Her eyes well up again and before she knows it she's sobbing against his chest as he strokes her back and kisses her forehead until she calms down.

"Shush," he whispers in her hair, rocking her gently as she grips his sweater, "it's okay".

When she finally looks at him she chokes that she doesn't want to break up, please.

The look on his face is confused at best, horrified even.

"Why would I want to break up?" he asks.

"Because you're mad at me," she sniffles, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and looking down at her comforter.

"I don't want to break up," he says. _Yet_ she adds in her head. It's last year all over again with promises of never ending things that neither of them can keep. She wants to forget about it until the inevitable time comes but the feeling is eating at her and her crappy mood does nothing to ease her confusion.

She shakes her head and finally meets his eyes.

"I don't," he says again, as if he had heard her. "But Rachel, you can't ask me to choose between you and Kurt!"

"I didn't," she states, shrugging. Of course that's what he would think. He's so used to her being a diva that his first thought would be to believe the worst.

She's more hurt than anything now. Disappointed.

She answers his baffled "uh?" with the truth: she didn't ask him to choose; she asked him what he said to Kurt.

She can't fight anymore. Doesn't even want to.

She leads him to the door, kisses him goodnight and tells him to pick her up at eight before closing the door on his bemused face.

Like so many other things they need to but never talked about, this one will be buried under the bed. They don't have time to dwell on much anyway. The impending ending of their relationship is too close for that.

…

Everything is well again.

Except the fact that the musical has been cancelled and Kurt is still mad at her.

At least things with Finn are well again. And they even dance to Blaine's singing, which is a miracle in itself considering the annoyance he raises in Finn. She can understand it, though. Finn unconsciously (or not) feels threatened by Blaine. She wants to scream that he has no reason to, that he's still the male lead. But it's true that Blaine is really… present, she'd say. And it's definitely not a bad thing, considering how short they are on members and the quality of his voice and stage presence. But sometimes he's a little bit "too much".

'Last Friday night' is great though, and she finds herself sincerely suggesting they use it at sectionals. That might not really help Finn's confidence…

…

Everything is well again.

If you forget that half the girls defected to the other choir. How will they all even be able to compete? They need twelve members. Neither choir has twelve people in it so what? Will they all have to forfeit?

He's been able to enroll Rory and the guy is great! His enthusiasm was referred to as "magical" and he even saw a glimpse of hope for Rachel's friendship with Kurt during the Irish boy's performance. He doesn't dare think what would happen if those two don't make up.

Then all of a sudden the musical is back on and Burt's running for congress and they're either moving to Washington or staying here and he's running the tire shop if he doesn't get a football scholarship and could things go slower because he's not sure he wants one thing or can manage the other.

Everything is going too fast and he thought he'd have more time to decide where he's going with his life, and suddenly Rachel's throwing innuendos his way that even he gets, with how little subtle she is.

And it's not like he doesn't want to have sex with her, because he _really_ does, but it honestly feels a little like it's coming out of nowhere.

He's not gonna pass, though, and he's determined at giving her all the romance he thinks she wants (and deserves).

He's nervous as hell but he figures she's bound to be more.

He has everything ready for her to come over, romantic candlelit dinner and vegan food, button-down shirt and deodorant.

It's a blow in his stomach when he finds out she's doing it for the musical, and he's not sure he wants to hear more.

He doesn't know if he's more angry or hurt and he makes sure she knows it when he gets back on his feet and heads to the kitchen, pretending to check on his dessert as he swallows his humiliation.

…

When Artie suggested she and Blaine should "take the leap" before being able to perform correctly, she figured he was wrong.

She thought about it though and asked the girls about it… in retrospect it was a stupid idea, because she doesn't need to hear what Quinn or Santana have to say, it's not like she looks up to or even _respects_ them. But she can't decently ask her mo… Shelby. She can't ask her dads, or even Carole about sex. Kurt's as much a virgin as she is (that much she knows) and she doesn't have many more friends since Mercedes stopped talking to her altogether and ran to the opposing choir.

Finn said they're great, by the way. She doesn't doubt that, considering Santana and Mercy's voices. She just wishes they didn't have to turn against New Directions, against her.

She's not sure what she was thinking when she entered the celibacy club (what are those people even _doing_ in a celibacy club? She'll always wonder). Maybe she figured by talking to them they'd eventually reconsider their choice?

The only thing she's sure of when she gets out of the room is that it was a mistake. Talking to her boyfriend's ex(es) unsettled her more than anything and she really didn't need this mental image Santana gave her.

And she really doesn't need to worry about measuring up.

All she needs to do is focus on why she's doing it. Because Artie planted the idea in her brain that she needed it, and because it's about time.

Only Finn asks, and her big mouth can't help but tell him exactly _that_, and it doesn't matter that she adds he'd be the only one she'd trust with it, that she loves him, only him, that it was bound to happen, he retreats in the kitchen like a wounded puppy. He refuses to look at her after that and accompanies her to the door with a kiss on the cheek and a mumbled goodnight.

…

There's a recruiter from OSU who's here for him and some other guys in the team.

This is his shot at a football scholarship and the man watches them play a game then practice then ultimately offers him (HIM!) to go to a Buckeyes game in Columbus the next Saturday, to _see how things work_.

The date feels off but he's so excited about it it's only said Saturday that he realizes why. He's not _in_ the musical, only Titan exempted because of this stupid part-time job, so he completely forgot.

His mom asks him how he's gonna dress tonight and when he answers football jersey and jeans (what he's wearing _now_) her puzzled look tells him he missed something.

He only has an hour before Johnny picks him up for the two hours trip to Columbus and when he tells his mom and she does a double take his stomach drops as he finally registers that tonight's the opening night for West Side Story.

He has to sit down from the shock. He can't pass on the game because it's his big chance to get out of Lima, but he can't miss the show! His mom and Kurt count on him, Rachel's gonna be crushed and, as disappointed he is about everything, he still doesn't want to hurt her.

He buries his face in his hands as the guilt washes over him. It's not like he really has a choice, anyway.

He tries to call Rachel only to get straight to voicemail. She's rehearsing for the final time and has to prepare for her performance, dress and makeup and warm-ups and all.

Kurt sounds disappointed but understanding.

His mom seems like she feels as he does, numb, and sad, and so sorry.

She drives him to the shop before he really has to leave.

…

Rachel's applying her last coat of mascara when she sees Carole approach her in the reflection of her makeup mirror.

She turns around as she notices Finn's mom's nervous expression and as her eyes drift to the tulips bouquet in her hands she understands what it's all about.

"He's not coming, is he?" it's not really a question and she can't allow herself to cry because of her mascara when Carole says how sorry she is, sweetie, as she hands her the flowers her son picked up.

"It's okay," she says. She understands. She really does. He has to think about his future first. And even if Columbus wouldn't be her first choice for him, it certainly is his. So she has nothing to say. She can't demand anything. It's just the beginning of them parting roads.

If only it didn't have to hurt so much.

But really, it only enhances her performance.

Because even if they're bound to break up eventually, even if they haven't had sex yet, even if he's mad at her, she still knows how it feels to love and be loved and it was all that really mattered (thanks to Tina for the really nice conversation, who would have thought?).

And when the curtain falls, after the makeup is gone, after they have drinks with all their friends and families in the foyer, after everyone decides to go to Breadsticks for a celebratory dinner, she excuses herself and heads to his house.

She'll wait for him on the porch for as long as it'll take for him to get home.

…

So it turns out that Johnny only took him to the game out of pity, to ease the bad news.

He's never gonna get a scholarship (at least not for football).

None of them are.

The Titans are not good enough, and no matter if they won their last games, no player will ever make it big. And Finn's not sure if the worst is hearing that in the last miles of the ride over to Columbus, hearing it _at all_, or feeling like he already knew and just chose not to think about it.

Definitely, the worst is knowing he could have avoided losing his time and not missed the musical.

He asks the recruiter to turn around, _demands_ to be taken back, throws a fit in the car until the guy drops him off on the side of the road and drives away with a dismissive sigh.

He starts hitchhiking and is lucky enough to find a ride over almost immediately, but by the time he reaches the school it's almost the end of the show and as he sneaks into the auditorium he only gets the final duet between Blaine and Rachel and the ending scene where Tony dies and Maria follows his procession.

He's not too sure if his tears are from his frustration with his bad news or the fact that once again he _felt_ her sing, maybe a mix of both.

He recoils as the cast gets a standing ovation and walks back home, defeated. It seems like he missed the most important of Rachel's performances, and even if he'll get to see tomorrow's matinee, he knows it'll never be the same.

He's more than startled when the doorbell rings an hour after he gets home.

His parents were supposed to head to Burt's mom after the show and Kurt let slip that he might spend the night _out_ (as in "in with Blaine").

He's even more surprised when he finds Rachel on the other side of the door.

It's a mess of _I'm sorry_s and kisses before he blurts out that it was all for nothing, that he's a failure and that he'll never get out of Lima.

Somehow she manages to soothe him with the magic of _her_. With her words and just being here, and just being her.

…

She didn't think she'd find him home and it might have scared her a bit because she didn't get to rehearse what she would say. But it's all better in the end because she's even more honest this way.

And, okay, his dream was crushed, but he has others. And if he doesn't she'll help him find new ones. And she's there no matter what, and NO he's NOT a loser.

"It's because of you", she says, kissing him.

"Uh?"

"I want to make love with you, because it's you," she breathes, "that's my only reason."

And it's the truth.

She doesn't need the Marriot as long as she's with him. The floor will do.

She doesn't _need_ anything but him.

Just like Anne Shirley she doesn't want diamond sunbursts, or marble halls. She just wants him. And she tells him so.

And when all is said and done, it's just him and her. And the physical pain (not that bad, after all) doesn't matter at all because the emotion behind everything makes things so much better.

And as she cuddles against him (her lover!) afterwards, she can only think that maybe, somewhere, there's a place for them afterall.

…

**The end. (well, actually not really, if it stays cannon after the next episode I'll keep updating it every few episodes, so feel free to follow!)**

**Thanks for reading, now it's time to review ;)**


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